Dear my body,
I think this talk is long over-due. We all need to learn to deal with things. I need you to stop being so melodramatic just because you do not have a baby growing inside of you. Not creating a tiny human is no reason for you to send me to my bed in pain.
This is especially true because from what I've been able to see with my relatives and friends, you're just going to be even more dramatic and cruel to me when there is a baby growing inside of you. Yes, you will refrain from doing this to me for one week of every month, but you will also cause me pain and make me uncomfortable 24/7 for 9 months. And make me throw up. That's a little uncool.
It would seem you don't know what you want. So I need to take charge. You cannot have a baby inside you yet. I will not allow it. In a minimum of three years when I have graduated from college and can possibly have a baby without my entire life caving in around me as a result, we will look into this. Since this is established, you will not stop being ridiculous. You can express your desire to have a baby growing inside of you only with very mild discomfort every other month. Beyond that, you are breaking terms of this newly written agreement, and will have to pay the consequences of having chocolate with-held regardless of your cravings.
love,
Tiffany
For all of you women who empathize, there is a solution
I think this talk is long over-due. We all need to learn to deal with things. I need you to stop being so melodramatic just because you do not have a baby growing inside of you. Not creating a tiny human is no reason for you to send me to my bed in pain.
This is especially true because from what I've been able to see with my relatives and friends, you're just going to be even more dramatic and cruel to me when there is a baby growing inside of you. Yes, you will refrain from doing this to me for one week of every month, but you will also cause me pain and make me uncomfortable 24/7 for 9 months. And make me throw up. That's a little uncool.
It would seem you don't know what you want. So I need to take charge. You cannot have a baby inside you yet. I will not allow it. In a minimum of three years when I have graduated from college and can possibly have a baby without my entire life caving in around me as a result, we will look into this. Since this is established, you will not stop being ridiculous. You can express your desire to have a baby growing inside of you only with very mild discomfort every other month. Beyond that, you are breaking terms of this newly written agreement, and will have to pay the consequences of having chocolate with-held regardless of your cravings.
love,
Tiffany
For all of you women who empathize, there is a solution
2 comments:
Hahahahaha. Omg. I love this post so much. I was on my way to the comment button when I saw the "solution" link and was super excited. Then it went to my blog and it made me laugh a lot. I just love you. Let's play soon.
Oh Tiffany! ZThe sad thing is that even the moment after you have given birth and you're holding that tiny baby, you are still going to miss those little kicks and jabs inside your tummy (uterus :) and you're going to think "I wonder when I can convince my husband that we can start trying for another one?" and then you'll think about having an "accident" but chicken out because you'd feel SO guilty if you had an "accident" on purpose, you know? So, in other words, I know exactly how you feel and I just thought I'd let you know that it doesn't get any easier once you've actually had a baby in your tummy. You'll just want more (at least I do :) Good luck and I hope you get what you want SOON!
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