I think I might be done. I can't sit and wait for someone who I'm not positive wants me. I want to go out on dates, and I want to give up my constant hope every Thursday morning that this week he will say something to me. I can't handle the let down I feel everytime I check the mail and there's nothing. I haven't even gotten his family email forwarded to me in 3 weeks. On top of everything with my roommates, it just feels like too much.
Today has been an interesting day. I woke up, and checked facebook, and found that one of my friends back home had written a facebook note about how depressed he was, and that he really felt like he needed professional help, and the only reason I even saw this note is because he tagged me in it as part of a list of friends that he felt he had wronged. I have no idea what he thinks he did, and I hate that I can't be there with him to help. It honestly crushes me inside to not be able to do anything for him besides send him the depression hotline information that I sent him in a message.
Then I finally went and checked my BFF's blog for the first time in like a week, and she had written one about her own struggles this week that I had not even noticed. I feel like a horrible friend, and I don't know why she puts up with me. I had thought that she just didn't feel like talking to me for a while. I knew something was up, but I didn't do anything to try and make it better for her.
I was also told by my roommates boyfriend of sorts that all my roommates hate that I am never home, and that they worry about me all the time. So I'm a bad roommate too. Basically I'm failing at every part of college (keeping up with friends back home, being good to my best friend here, and being a good roommate) except for the school stuff. I'm scary good at that. I finish all my homework by 5:00 everyday. I haven't had to stay up late working on it once, and I haven't really had any homework left on Saturday either. so at least I have that.
I am also on my period and cramping really bad today. eating is miserable, walking is miserable. because of my low iron, moving at all makes my head spin, and I can't handle any of it. However tomorrow after church I have to make dinner for all my roommates, but I have no idea what to make since I only have $2 left on my meal card, and I can barely stand up to cook anyway.
yeah...not my best day ever.
there's always tomorrow.
Daisypath Anniversary tickers
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
BYU
alright, so my last post, I was packing up and getting ready to come to Provo...obviously I've been here for a while. Over 2 weeks actually...and being me, I haven't posted a blog yet. so now I'm going to catch up.
So I drove down with my BFF, and future BFOTB Brittani Kuh-jersti Mack Attack Big Butt Aunt Tupac Jemima Be-asst Co-ats. This is code for I made her drive, and sat in the passenger seat talking to her, and picking out the music. We had a grand old time, then she helped me move into my new apartment. One of my roommates was already there, which was a bit of a suprise, since I was under the impression they wouldn't be there until Sunday. So I got to meet Lauren...sorta. She said hi, and then Brittani and I unpacked my stuff, while Lauren got ready to go do something. I don't know what, but she didn't finish until I was pretty much completely unpacked, and she had started before I got there.
Tyson came over with his cousin to a game night. No big deal. Of course, I invited Brittani and her roommates, so that I would have support. Well, Tyson stood out talking to me, Erin, Jana, Emilie, and Brittani, and we finally decided to invite him back to their apartment. So we went and decided to watch She's The Man. Love that movie. anyway, I thought "gee, he's pretty cute, maybe I could go on a few dates with him, and we could have fun and stuff." but it turned out that 2 of Britt's roommates thought the same thing. So I decided to just bow out, but of course I still would have been ok with it if he had shown interest in me...so that night, we all friend-requested him on facebook, and he was chatting with us, and flirting kinda hard-core...with all of us. yeah. jerk face. and we discussed this. roommates do that. we wrote him off basically is all.
Well, maybe 2 days later, my roommates and I were chilling in the apartment, and Tyson texted Lauren and asked her if they could "talk, or maybe even take a walk." so he came over and was talking to her in the kitchen, while I charged my phone and read my science text book in the hallway. Finally, I got sick of it, and went to Brittani's to talk to the roommates in question from the Tyson story. So we sat and talked for a while, and I finally went home, when I knew Tyson would have left, in interest of the honor code. I didn't have classes the next day, so sleep wasn't really an issue. I tried to warn Lauren about Tyson though, and ever since that happened, she's been distant, and not really wanted to talk to me.
Anyway....other than that, I love Provo. I practically live at Brittani's apartment, because I fit in there perfectly. It's amazing. I love my classes, my teachers are incredible, and I am actually ahead in all my classes except for English. I am not a fan of English...I should probably be working on my paper right now. but I'm not. Oh well.
Last night, I went to Salt Lake with Brittani and our friend Christine, and we went to temple square. While we were looking at the Christus statue, we met this AMAZING sister missionary named Sister Nock. We talked to her for like a half an hour. She asked us if we were planning on serving missions. I think I really am leaning in that direction right now. I wanted it so badly even a year ago. maybe I should.
I really liked something that she said..."women are up here, and men without the priesthood are down here. When men have the priesthood, and are worthy, then they're brought up to the level of women. women are always there, because they have motherhood." she was wonderful. Well, she challenged us to write something in our journal, and since I don't have a journal, I'm going to do it here.
What do others say about me?
Others say that I don't fit in, that I'm different. I'm odd. Some people think that I am quiet...some people think I'm loud and obnoxious. I know some people think that I'm really smart.
What do I say about me?
I say that I am quirky and caring. I try really hard to make others happy, and I understand things pretty well in class. I say that I am a good cook, and that I am generally happy. I lately have been feeling like I'm not as good as those around me, but I usually have fairly healthy self image.
What does Heavenly Father say about me?
Heavenly Father says that I am his beloved daughter. He says that he is honored to have me as his daughter. Heavenly Father says that I have the potential to be anything, and he loves me very much...he says that as long as I will speak up when I need to, I will be able to say what people need to hear, and I will be able to help them. Heavenly Father says that I am as good as anyone else, and that I deserve happiness as much as they do.
I know that I need to try to be the person that Heavenly Father sees me as, and that I need to work to deserve that title.
Well, that is all for now.
Over and out.
So I drove down with my BFF, and future BFOTB Brittani Kuh-jersti Mack Attack Big Butt Aunt Tupac Jemima Be-asst Co-ats. This is code for I made her drive, and sat in the passenger seat talking to her, and picking out the music. We had a grand old time, then she helped me move into my new apartment. One of my roommates was already there, which was a bit of a suprise, since I was under the impression they wouldn't be there until Sunday. So I got to meet Lauren...sorta. She said hi, and then Brittani and I unpacked my stuff, while Lauren got ready to go do something. I don't know what, but she didn't finish until I was pretty much completely unpacked, and she had started before I got there.
Tyson came over with his cousin to a game night. No big deal. Of course, I invited Brittani and her roommates, so that I would have support. Well, Tyson stood out talking to me, Erin, Jana, Emilie, and Brittani, and we finally decided to invite him back to their apartment. So we went and decided to watch She's The Man. Love that movie. anyway, I thought "gee, he's pretty cute, maybe I could go on a few dates with him, and we could have fun and stuff." but it turned out that 2 of Britt's roommates thought the same thing. So I decided to just bow out, but of course I still would have been ok with it if he had shown interest in me...so that night, we all friend-requested him on facebook, and he was chatting with us, and flirting kinda hard-core...with all of us. yeah. jerk face. and we discussed this. roommates do that. we wrote him off basically is all.
Well, maybe 2 days later, my roommates and I were chilling in the apartment, and Tyson texted Lauren and asked her if they could "talk, or maybe even take a walk." so he came over and was talking to her in the kitchen, while I charged my phone and read my science text book in the hallway. Finally, I got sick of it, and went to Brittani's to talk to the roommates in question from the Tyson story. So we sat and talked for a while, and I finally went home, when I knew Tyson would have left, in interest of the honor code. I didn't have classes the next day, so sleep wasn't really an issue. I tried to warn Lauren about Tyson though, and ever since that happened, she's been distant, and not really wanted to talk to me.
Anyway....other than that, I love Provo. I practically live at Brittani's apartment, because I fit in there perfectly. It's amazing. I love my classes, my teachers are incredible, and I am actually ahead in all my classes except for English. I am not a fan of English...I should probably be working on my paper right now. but I'm not. Oh well.
Last night, I went to Salt Lake with Brittani and our friend Christine, and we went to temple square. While we were looking at the Christus statue, we met this AMAZING sister missionary named Sister Nock. We talked to her for like a half an hour. She asked us if we were planning on serving missions. I think I really am leaning in that direction right now. I wanted it so badly even a year ago. maybe I should.
I really liked something that she said..."women are up here, and men without the priesthood are down here. When men have the priesthood, and are worthy, then they're brought up to the level of women. women are always there, because they have motherhood." she was wonderful. Well, she challenged us to write something in our journal, and since I don't have a journal, I'm going to do it here.
What do others say about me?
Others say that I don't fit in, that I'm different. I'm odd. Some people think that I am quiet...some people think I'm loud and obnoxious. I know some people think that I'm really smart.
What do I say about me?
I say that I am quirky and caring. I try really hard to make others happy, and I understand things pretty well in class. I say that I am a good cook, and that I am generally happy. I lately have been feeling like I'm not as good as those around me, but I usually have fairly healthy self image.
What does Heavenly Father say about me?
Heavenly Father says that I am his beloved daughter. He says that he is honored to have me as his daughter. Heavenly Father says that I have the potential to be anything, and he loves me very much...he says that as long as I will speak up when I need to, I will be able to say what people need to hear, and I will be able to help them. Heavenly Father says that I am as good as anyone else, and that I deserve happiness as much as they do.
I know that I need to try to be the person that Heavenly Father sees me as, and that I need to work to deserve that title.
Well, that is all for now.
Over and out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)